I don’t know why I do it to us, it’s like a military operation trying to get the little shits to school never mind half way around the world, and back again. And that’s on a normal flight.
10 days in the sun, it will be fun they said. The kids will all be happy and remember it for the rest of their lives. Well i promise you from the bottom of my very dark heart I will.
It was late at night, and like all nights before a busy day Brens insomnia reeped havoc, managing to finally settle 22 seconds before the alarm went off in the morning. We rose and the children were all blissfully unaware that the rage demon was brewing from lack of sleep and an imminent menstrual cycle.
Locking Sal away for as long as I could, we got on with our normal daily routine, beds, dressed, teeth breakfast and ready to go. The kids were all packed and waiting patiently in the cars to head off to Manchester Airport, whilst me bird and her OCD locked up and checked the handles 472 times. Couldn’t have finished on an odd number or she would have had to start again.
Everything was running smoothly but the overwhelming feeling of dread hung over me like a tonne of bricks, ready to crush my little soul.
It had been a long day by the time we arrived at the hotel, and we were both running on empty. It was almost midnight and after only eating breakfast and an early lunch, we were starved, so headed to the soup kitchen.
The kids all dug in having the time of their lives whilst I stepped back slowly, like I was retracing my steps away from a just sleeping baby.
“aren’t you hungry mum”
“No I’m on a diet kid” which remained my excuse for the next 10 days. Was I fuck telling them they were eating tripe soup. 🤮 fill ye boots kids fill your boots.
Having paid for connecting rooms, we fobbed the doors and were slightly aggrieved. Two separate rooms around the corner from each other. We pay for connecting rooms, so the bigger kids can go in one half and little kids in another, so me and the boss can actually see each other, cos being Snow White all them 7 little dwarves are tiny weeny cock blocks, and yes I know neither me or G have a cock, im married to a woman, but im not a lesbian (that’s a story for another day)but even if we look in each others direction, they’re there,
“Mum, mum, mum look at me”
I silently scream FUCK OFF I DONT CARE before, gently replying “ohh that’s amazing son” I’m saying son because them cunts outnumber the only girl 6-1.
I do love all them children dearly, and I wake up positive everyday, thinking today’s going to be the day, I don’t secretly stay in the bathroom for an extra ten minutes, to cling on to the only bit of sanity I can find, buried deep inside the towel rack, or the day I want to tell them all to fuck off, or the day I finally decide enough enough, and I actually by my one way ticket to the moon. Anyway, I’m 6934 days into my parenting journey and yet to find “that day”, where one or all apply, but if anyone’s going to push me there it will be no.7, E!
We woke up, beautiful day, I had the 3 older ones in my room, and I let them have a brew as a treat, ,although there was an ulterior motive. I knew I’d need 6 cups of coffee to start the day, because the hotel cups are made for the borrowers, and could I be arsed waiting to do that 6 times over, no! Work smart not hard, manipulate the children into thinking they’re getting a reward by doing something.
We’re sat on the balcony, and the door knocks, it was G, and 5,6 and 7. So we headed on down to the waterpark. Kids played for hours, and then we went to get our lunch from the poolside restaurant. The restaurant was beautiful, food was not, but it wasn’t the kids that were complaining, no, it was 18 stone Bren here, and I like my FOOD!
Now to add to the imminent menstrual cycle, the rising stress levels, I was also fucking Hangry too. I got my plate full of cucumber and stormed to the table, where my beautiful family were indulging in the benefits of the all inclusive.
It got to about 2pm, and the heat was scorching, was too hot for our family of Albinos, and gingers, so we headed back to the complex for shelter. The boss suggested getting no. 5s hair braided so we agreed, I took the rest back to the room to chill for a bit, before our evening celebrations.
After our long day the day before, and hours of fun in the sun, 6 and 7, had a siesta, whilst 2,3 and 4 sat on the balcony with their brews. They were all safe and accounted for, so I went for a piss, and to scream into the towel rack. I came back out, and checked the boys on the balcony, and went and put my feet up on the bed next to T and E, 6 and 7. I must have been there 10 seconds when I realised no. 7 wasn’t there. Where the fuck was E! I ran and checked the bathroom, wasn’t there, I asked the boys on the balcony, hadn’t seen or heard anything. I checked everywhere. I ran into the hall and shouted Ernie. He was nowhere to be seen. I don’t know if you’ve ever lost a child but the sheer panic sets in. I thought ohh fuck, 7s lost and it’s on my watch and the hotel was huge, what if he’s been kidnapped, what the fuck am I going to do?
Add comment
Comments